Gone 13 Years

Well, it's that time of year again...Dasya's birthday is tomorrow and I am sad. She would have been 13 years old. I can't believe she would have been a teenager.

I know she is in a better place...I know this...I know this...I know this - but it is still hard for me to even think about her being gone without being sad. As much as I know that she is being taken care of by her Creator - I still want her here with me.

Every year that goes by, I think that this year will be easier - but it never is. It's been 13 years but I think of her virtually every day. Especially since Jordan looked exactly like Dasya did when she was born - I wonder if they would look the same now - I wonder what she would be like - who she would take after...me or Terrance. I feel like there's just so much I lost out on.

I miss her so bad...

Tomorrow we are going to the cemetary to put some flowers on her grave. I was going to just buy her some tomorrow before we went - but decided not to since they would just dry up and die within a few hours because of the heat. I decided to take Myles and go to Michael's and make her an arrangement that we could just plant - that would last. Here it is (please note that I am NOT artistic at all - but I thought it turned out pretty good):

I was explaining to Myles (who is only 3 1/2) where we were going - and why we were making the flower arrangement - for his sister, and that she lives in heaven with Jesus now - I don't think he "got it" at all - but it's a start and we can just tell him more as he gets a little older. That is something that makes me really sad too - the fact that, even though she died at birth, Terrance and I got to feel her move in me and see her ultra sounds and at her birth - but Jordan and Myles will never get to know her at all...in this life at least. To them - she's just something that makes mommy sad to talk about.

I feel blessed to know her the time that I did...

Psalm 77:10

Then I said, "It is my grief, that the right hand of the Most High has changed."