Psalm 86:15
But You, O Lord, are a compassionate and merciful God.
You are patient and demonstrate great loyal love and faithfulness.
That is what I strive to be like as a parent...like God is with me - patient, compassionate and merciful.
Unfortunately - that is waaay far from what I actually am most of the time. Is it what I want?? Yes. Then why can't I seem to do it? Why do I find myself losing my temper or raising my voice to the kids?
I know it's because I'm not perfect - that Satan wants to feed off my frustrations and my anger - to attempt to wedge himself into my life and my family. I know that...but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with in the heat of the moment sometimes.
For starters, I just don't know if I'm ready to deal with my daughter being a teenager. Was I that difficult??? Surely not! ((but I surely was)) I just have this dreaded feeling that I'm not doing what I should be doing - or saying what I should be saying to raise her into the young woman I know she can be. I know some of this is paranoia talking - but I still worry!
Don't get me wrong - she is a great girl...sweet, funny, out-going. But, on the other hand - she has been showing some signs of changing from that little girl that (almost) always did what we asked - to a teenager that challenges e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g! Almost every request is followed by "why?" What happened to "sure, mom!"?? or "ok!"?? The attitude that sometimes slips off her tongue is somewhat shocking as well. I know that when I was that age, I thought I knew more than my mom too. I think we all do to some degree - but I have just hoped that my mother never thought I was disrespectful to her. I am just cringing at the thought. My mom and I are so close now (not that we weren't before, it's just really changed as I've become an adult) - I can't ever imagine speaking to her in a disrespectful way - even though I'm sure I did at some point or another.
I don't what to sound like I'm just dogging on Jordan - because I'm not. We have a lot of fun together and do a lot of laughing...it just seems like lately - we do a lot of arguing too. Terrance thinks it's because we are so alike that that is why we butt heads so often. That is probably true. I just don't want to see her make the same mistakes that I did when I was younger. Of course - making those mistakes is what has made me the woman I am today...but I'd like to think I would have turned out pretty ok without all the mistakes too.
I know I need to call out to God - to ask him for guidance and wisdom...
Proverbs 2. 6-9
For the Lord gives wisdom, and from His mouth comes knowledge and understanding. He stores up effective counsel for the upright, and is like a shield for those who live with integrity, to guard the paths of the righteous and to protect the way of his pious ones. Then you will understand righteousness and justice and equity - every good way.
I need to check my temper - before it gets the best of me. I was able to do that tonight - when she got a little much with the attitude - I was able to walk away until I was calmer. Then later - Myles asked her for some juice (I was already in bed...getting up at 4:30 am does that to me) and she ignored him and...well, I don't really know what happened since I was in bed - but the next thing you know - there's crying and (a lot! of)blood and he's missing a tooth. I just about completely lost it then...I will admit it.
I am trying to teach her about accountability. We talked this evening - after I got Myles calmed down and back in bed. I told her that she can't always blame things on other people - that listening to her...things are never her fault. It's always "they" or "her" or "he" that caused her to do whatever she did. I told her that she needs to accept what she's done - to acknowledge what she's done - and to ask for forgiveness and apologize for what she's done. Only then - will she start to make a change.
I see I need to do the same things in regards to my patience with them - especially with her as she enters these trying years. I need to pray more - before I lose my temper - ask God to help me with my patience and my self-control. I don't want to be one of those screamy/shouty mothers...but I do want to be heard without arguing all the time - and I do want respect from my kids. I can already see where her eye rolling and attitude is starting to rub off on Myles.
I know only God can change me - change her. I ask that He work in my life - through my life - to help me raise my children the right, godly way.
Isaiah 40.31
But those who wait for the Lord's help find renewed strength; they rise up as if they had eagles' wings, they run without growing weary, they walk without getting tired.
