Lord, Give me patience...

Let me just start with the basics...

Psalm 86:15

But You, O Lord, are a compassionate and merciful God.  

You are patient and demonstrate great loyal love and faithfulness.

That is what I strive to be like as a parent...like God is with me - patient, compassionate and merciful.

Unfortunately - that is waaay far from what I actually am most of the time.  Is it what I want??  Yes.  Then why can't I seem to do it?  Why do I find myself losing my temper or raising my voice to the kids?

I know it's because I'm not perfect - that Satan wants to feed off my frustrations and my anger - to attempt to wedge himself into my life and my family.  I know that...but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with in the heat of the moment sometimes.

For starters, I just don't know if I'm ready to deal with my daughter being a teenager.  Was I that difficult???  Surely not!  ((but I surely was))  I just have this dreaded feeling that I'm not doing what I should be doing - or saying what I should be saying to raise her into the young woman I know she can be.  I know some of this is paranoia talking - but I still worry!  

Don't get me wrong - she is a great girl...sweet, funny, out-going.  But, on the other hand - she has been showing some signs of changing from that little girl that (almost) always did what we asked - to a teenager that challenges e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g!  Almost every request is followed by "why?"  What happened to "sure, mom!"?? or "ok!"??  The attitude that sometimes slips off her tongue is somewhat shocking as well.  I know that when I was that age, I thought I knew more than my mom too. I think we all do to some degree - but I have just hoped that my mother never thought I was disrespectful to her.  I am just cringing at the thought.  My mom and I are so close now (not that we weren't before, it's just really changed as I've become an adult) - I can't ever imagine speaking to her in a disrespectful way - even though I'm sure I did at some point or another.

I don't what to sound like I'm just dogging on Jordan - because I'm not.  We have a lot of fun together and do a lot of laughing...it just seems like lately - we do a lot of arguing too.  Terrance thinks it's because we are so alike that that is why we butt heads so often.  That is probably true.  I just don't want to see her make the same mistakes that I did when I was younger.  Of course - making those mistakes is what has made me the woman I am today...but I'd like to think I would have turned out pretty ok without all the mistakes too. 

I know I need to call out to God - to ask him for guidance and wisdom...

Proverbs 2. 6-9

For the Lord gives wisdom, and from His mouth comes knowledge and understanding.  He stores up effective counsel for the upright, and is like a shield for those who live with integrity, to guard the paths of the righteous and to protect the way of his pious ones.  Then you will understand righteousness and justice and equity - every good way.

I need to check my temper - before it gets the best of me.  I was able to do that tonight - when she got a little much with the attitude - I was able to walk away until I was calmer.  Then later - Myles asked her for some juice (I was already in bed...getting up at 4:30 am does that to me) and she ignored him and...well, I don't really know what happened since I was in bed - but the next thing you know - there's crying and (a lot! of)blood and he's missing a tooth. I just about completely lost it then...I will admit it.

I am trying to teach her about accountability.  We talked this evening - after I got Myles calmed down and back in bed.  I told her that she can't always blame things on other people - that listening to her...things are never her fault.  It's always "they" or "her" or "he" that caused her to do whatever she did.  I told her that she needs to accept what she's done - to acknowledge what she's done - and to ask for forgiveness and apologize for what she's done.  Only then - will she start to make a change.

I see I need to do the same things in regards to my patience with them - especially with her as she enters these trying years.  I need to pray more - before I lose my temper - ask God to help me with my patience and my self-control.  I don't want to be one of those screamy/shouty mothers...but I do want to be heard without arguing all the time - and I do want respect from my kids.  I can already see where her eye rolling and attitude is starting to rub off on Myles.  

I know only God can change me - change her.  I ask that He work in my life - through my life - to help me raise my children the right, godly way.

Isaiah 40.31

But those who wait for the Lord's help find renewed strength; they rise up as if they had eagles' wings, they run without growing weary, they walk without getting tired.

Getting Back Into the Swing Of Things...

I have been so bad at blogging - it seems like all I ever do lately is huge recaps of what's been going on.  Well, it seems like this one will be more of the same.  Although I promise to try to keep more on top of things...

Thanksgiving was another Smith/Gray/Shepherd trip to Galinburg.  It was a ton of fun - as usual.  There was some brutal UNO games, horseback riding, hiking, eating (of course!) and family squabbles over who's turn it was to hold new baby Ethan - plus the obviously required trip to the hot tub.

Plus - dad took this wonderfully fabulous family pic of us all.  ((there was a "proper" one of course, too - but this one says it all!))

Christmas came next - with all the hustle and bustle that comes along with it.  It was a great time spent with family and friends.

Now that the holidays are over, I'm assuming life will slow down for a bit - until softball/baseball seasons start up again in the spring.


I am really ready for the weather to warm up a bit - don't really like freezing my tush off every time I go outside.  But, I have decided to attempt the read-through-the-Bible-in-a-year thing one more time.  :)  I'm hoping these cold winter months will get me into a habit of reading so it won't be so hard in the spring when things get super-busy.


I guess that's it for now.  Sometimes I wish I had some enlightening words or deep thoughts...but I guess today I'm just empty.  I think I'll take a nap...

Catching Up ~ June 25, 2010

So much has happened in the last 2 months...I almost don't even know where to start.  I felt the need to do a little catching up on what all has been going on.  When I last posted, we were getting ready to go on our beach vacation to Destin.  We had such a fabulous time.  I had scoured the almighty internet for different things for us to do while we were there.  We ended up going to the Gulfarium, the Emerald Coast Science Center, a fantastic dolphin cruise, and the Gulf Breeze Zoo.  There was also the beach - which we managed to spend several hours at each day.

The Beach!!

Dolphin Cruise

To cap off the trip...I made a little video.  :)

When we came back, we were in full baseball mode with Myles.  He had a game every Saturday during April and May.  Their team did so good!  We were so proud of the little ones - especially since several of them had never played before.  The video I made for it is such a perfect representation of how each game went...non-stop action!

At the end of May, we got rain...lots and lots of rain.  Nashville had a record breaking amount of rainfall over the first two days of June.  Thankfully, our home - and the homes of our families were spared from the flood waters.  Not everyone was so fortunate.  There was widespread destruction.  We were out of touch with my parents for almost a day when they lost phone and internet service.  Their area of town was heavily affected.  I was a nervous wreck...with flood waters creeping up on our back porch and the reports from the news...I was so glad when the rains finally stopped.

Because of all the rain, Jordan's first softball season got off to a late start.  She did so good for her first season.  She managed to hit a grand-slam home run and a double at her first game!  She ended up playing lots of different positions:  left field, right field, catcher and first base.  She played the most at first and did a super job making some great plays.  So proud of her!

We just celebrated Father's Day last Sunday.  Terrance told me not to spend any money on a gift for him.  I ended up only spending $1.29 to download a song from i-tunes and made him this...

Last, but certainly not least, Myles lost his first tooth yesterday!!

December/Christmas 2009

December has been a pretty crazy month around our house. Lots of things to do - places to be - stuff like that. There was ear doctor check-ups for me...Jordan's birthday...orthodontist appointments...Christmas program practices for the kis...choir practices and her last program for Jordan...Christmas parties to attend...& shopping - lots of ((online!!)) shopping!
Among all the hustle and bustle of the season, Terrance and I were struggling with whether or not to pull Jordan out of her school and have her home schooled again. She has been asking for weeks to be home schooled again. At first, we just thought that she was just being kind of lazy and not wanting to do all the extra work that came with middle school. After talking to her at length about it, she told us that a girl at school - that she has had several previous encounters with this year so far - thought she was bi-sexual and had a crush on Jordan. This made her extremely uncomfortable ((which I could totally understand)). She normally loved to go to school every morning - but started dreading it. She would ask every night if she could stay home the next day. Terrance and I talked about it at length and decided that if we had the ability to pull her out and have her home schooled - why wouldn't we? There is no reason that she should be subjected to that level of discomfort every day.
Thankfully, Myles' babysitter, Mama Jean, agreed to home school her again. She had home schooled her from kindergarten until second grade and will do it again. We are so excited about it, as is Jordan. I know Myles will be ready to spend the days with Jordan again too. As soon as we told Jordan that we had decided to let her be home schooled again - it was like a weight had been lifted off her. She looked so relieved to not have to return after winter break. She was able to keep all of the workbooks from school that she had started - so Mama Jean will know excatly what all she has done.
With all of the stressing about Jordan's schooling - it's no wonder that I haven't really been in the Christmas "spirit". I'm not sure why, but it never really felt much like Christmas until yesterday (Christmas day). We had a great time yesterday though with the family. Christmas Eve was spent lazing around the house. It was really nice because I usually have to work on Christmas Eve - but because Christmas fell on Friday this year - and we usually got the day after off - we got the day before off. It was really nice to just lay around with nothing on the schedule until the Christmas Eve service at church that night. After the service, we went over to some friends house for our annual Christmas Eve get-together. On the way home, I remembered that 16 years ago - on Christmas Eve - Terrance picked me up from work and drove me down to the Opryland Hotel to look at their beautiful light display. While we were out looking at the gorgeous tree right out in front of the hotel - Terrance proposed to me. It sure doesn't seem like it has been that long ago. I guess that's a good sign. :)
Christmas day was spent opening gifts as a family. (Stockings were done on Christmas Eve...a new tradition we are trying out. Second year doing that.) We then headed over to Terrance's folks house for Christmas and breakfast with them before heading down to my folks' house for Christmas and dinner with my parents and Steph, Travis and the kids.
All in all, it was a great day. We had a blast hanging out and watching all the kids open their presents. I love the looks on their faces when they open something they're really excited about. Terrance got me the most comfortable pair of boots - cowboy boots, too!! - I really love them. He also surprised me with a mani/pedi gift certificate that I can't wait to use. :)


Here are just a few pics from our day:


Myles was sooooo excited to get another Clone Wars movie. lol He does wear clothes (as many people have wondered) but this is Christmas morning...and when you sleep in your underwear...you open presents in your underwear. :)

Jordan got a new (electric blue!) ipod. We debated about whether she was ready for the responsibility of an expensive gift (the dog ate the last one) and decided to give her another chance.

Probably my favorite gift I gave this year. Terrance is a huge watch freak. He loves watches! But, unfortunately, most of them need batteries - so I decided that this year...I was buying a watch that doesn't need batteries. I must be getting smarter in my old age. lol

My dad loves apricot nectar - so every year, Jordan gets him 2 cans for his stocking. Noelle decided she needed a pic with Grandpa and his nectar can. :)

Probably my favorite pic of the day. When I saw that Elizabeth had crawled up on the couch to lay with "Jorny" - I knew I had to take a pic.